Travel Log
I wrote this one all weekend. It's over 6,000 words. It has very little to do with the Illini and a lot to do with my trip on the train to East Lansing and back. I mean, it has everything to do with the Illini – with me traveling to cover the team – but there's no "wish we had Boswell to contain Fears" talk here. Besides, you know, me saying it right there.
This is just me pulling out my laptop during the 56 hours of my trip and writing about what I see. Very little is Illini. Very much is "things that only seem to happen to Robert." Here's your chance to see what my wife has to deal with on a daily basis. With timestamps.
10:28 am CST Friday
I have no idea how I made this train. I’m known for cutting things close, but 30 minutes ago, I would have given myself a 15% chance of making this train. The story:
My wife had a rental car from a work trip yesterday. It needed to be back at the airport by 10:00 this morning. She had a call add on for work at 9:30. I told her I would take the car back to Willard for her and then take an Uber to the train station. My train departure time from downtown Champaign: 10:24.
When I left the house a little later than I anticipated I knew it would be tight. I had to drop something off in Savoy on my way, the rental car needed gas, and my train had switched from “delayed” to “on time” in the Amtrak app. So there was no room for error. 10:24 was the cutoff.
I get to the airport, book my Uber to the train station, return the rental car, and then wait for the Uber. It says 4 minutes away but it took her nearly 10 minutes to get to me. The reason? She was caught at a train crossing. The train that lowered the gates in front of her? My Amtrak train. Not only was it no longer late, it was early. Watching it go by is when I would have given myself the 15% chance of making it.
She was caught at the worst spot in Champaign to be caught by a train, too. Locals might already know what I'm about to say before I write it: The turn south onto 45 (Neil Street in Champaign, Dunlap Street in Savoy) from Windsor Road. There's no right turn lane there in front of CVS. So if there's even a single car at the stoplight stopped for a train, you're screwed. The train gates might only be down for 30 seconds for an Amtrak train barreling through but the safeguards built into that stoplight (to never allow a car to proceed towards the train tracks) means you're not taking that right turn for at least five minutes.
The only saving grace I have: trains can’t leave until their departure time. And there’s no “you have to board 15 minutes early and then we close the doors” like an airport. If you get there at 10:23:55, you can get on the train. There’s no security, there’s no ticket check (that happens once you’re moving) - you just run to the platform and hop on. Just like the movies.
I tell my Uber driver that she’ll get a $15 tip if I make the train. The screen in her car says the estimated arrival at the airport is 10:21. The train departs at 10:24. That gives me just enough time to run up the stairs, out the ramp, and jump on the train.
I’ve never watched stoplights closer in my life. I’m doing the math in my head and I figure we can get caught by three lights and still make it by 10:21 (and 10:21 is just enough time to run up the stairs and get on the train before they shut the door). We then get caught at both Church Street stoplight AND the entrance to Schnucks Plaza stoplight. The estimated arrival jumped up to 10:22.
But then we get on a roll. We catch the light at Burwash, Windsor, Knollwood, Devonshire, AND St. Mary’s (five for five!). Not only does the estimated arrival drop to 10:21 again, it then drops to 10:20 after catching all five lights. We had a brief pause at Kirby (held by the light for maybe seven seconds) and then catch the Stadium Drive light. I calculate that I can afford one more red light and I still have Green and Springfield to go.
We get to Green. The car in front of us in the right lane is turning right. My heart is racing. Just as they start to turn, the light turns yellow. My Uber driver, perhaps motivated by my “I’ll pay any tickets you receive” urging, zooms through the yellowish-but-really-red light. I thank her profusely and tell her she just saved my trip.
We get caught at Springfield but I don’t care. This was the light we could afford. We might get caught by a red at Logan but that’s the turn and we can take a right on red if we have to. She does just that (right on red at Logan) and we pull up to the front of the Illinois Terminal at exactly 10:20. I run up the stairs, the station manager says “two minutes”, I run out to the platform, hop on the train, and exhale. I make my way upstairs to a seat and as soon as I sit down the train departs. I open my phone and tip her the promised $15 for a $12 Uber ride.
Every game comes down to a single moment. This game came down to running that dark yellow — some could say the light was orange — at Green Street.
Glad I didn’t have to pay for a ticket.
1:14 pm CST Friday
I am a man of routine. I arrive at Union Station, I go upstairs to use the restroom, and then I get lunch at Chick Fil A. Then, since I always book Business Class for the Michigan trips, I head directly to the Business Class lounge at Union Station. No, not the Metropolitan Lounge with the Amish (the Metropolitan Lounge is always 60% Amish because trains are their means of transportation); I'm talking the Business Class Lounge on the lower level.
Once I check in at the Business Class Lounge, I head right for The Table. The Table is very important to me. If I get The Table to myself, it’s like back-to-back Big Ten championships. I don’t know why I care, but I CARE.
I got The Table to myself:
This is a similar emotion to when I used to write the football preview in this one spot at Coffee Cartel in St. Louis. I’d get a little anxious walking through the door hoping that my spot was available. It’s dumb, but my brain is 23% more alive when I’m the only one at The Table.
And now I’m coming back to this 12 minutes later to let you know that I’m no longer solo at The Table. An older couple has taken the two seats on the other side at the other end. It’s fine — I’m still at The Table — but the solitude is gone.
Especially since this guy is chewing Tic Tacs. Not using Tic Tacs as a mint. CHEWING Tic Tacs. Every 33 seconds, he grabs the noisy container, opens it, takes out two or three Tic Tacos, and starts chewing them. Once gone, back to the container for the rattling and then to his mouth for the crunching.
Don’t get old, kids. Things like this will bother you more than the ending of Bridge To Terabithia.
I was able to calm myself down. Put in the headphones and put some music on. The music of choice for this “I need to calm down” moment? Check out these back-to-back calming bangers:
First, go with The Promise Of Living from Aaron Copland’s The Tender Land:
Then on the b-side go for Karl Jenkins “A Mass For Peace” - Movement XII “Benedictus”:
Just try to stay stressed after those two back-to-back. JUST TRY. If a single one of you listened to those before reading this paragraph, I can guarantee you are 42% more calm. Music, man. This is why it's there.
Anyway, I’ve got music in my ears (noise cancelling mode) and more than half of The Table to myself. I can get some work done. After The Tic Tac Incident, life is good again.
6:12 pm EST Friday
I got yelled at on the train a little bit ago. Well, not yelled at but… I received a stern talking-to. Here’s the story.
As mentioned above, I always book Business Class for the Michigan and Michigan State trips. A higher quality of Amtraking. I even got one of the great table seats for this one. I’ll shut my laptop and take a photo real quick:
I’m kinda not being Rule Follower Robert here by taking a table seat with only one person. But the Business Class car is less than half full, and a bunch of people passed it up, and it as just sitting there, and if this was one of the busy cars the “reserved for two people” signs would be out. So I can’t pass that up. Seeing this table unoccupied without the “reserved for parties of two” sign displayed is similar to seeing The Table unoccupied.
Business class on the Michigan Amtrak trains (and very specifically the Michigan Amtrak trains) follow basic library rules. Business Class on a British Airways flight is louder than a Michigan Amtrak Business Class. People pay twice as much for these tickets so that they can sit and work in peace. These new cars were put into service only a few years ago, they’re the nicest cars Amtrak owns besides the Acela, there are a ton of people who commute to Chicago from Lansing, Battle Creek, Kalamazoo, or Niles, and so the Friday night train leaving Chicago is all Business. Do not - DO NOT - make a sound.
So when you get a phone call, you go to the vestibule between this car and the next car. That’s the de facto phone booth. These are the unwritten rules. And I enjoy them.
I get a phone call. There’s another guy in the vestibule talking on the phone. I try the other end but the door is locked. So my only option to talk on the phone is to sit in the wheelchair spot at the very end where it’s open. I post up there and talk on the phone.
After five minutes, a woman approaches. I take one of my AirPods out of my ear.
“You’re VERY loud!”
I apologize.
She goes back to her seat.
I’m going to get off the phone but at that moment the guy emerges from the vestibule, no longer on the phone. I can take the vestibule. The door slides closed behind me. I can now be loud again.
I finish my phone call out there and then I return to my seat. When I walk past the woman who snapped at me...… her travel companion in the seat next to her is talking loudly on the phone.
I love life sometimes. I mean, I hate it, but I love it.
6:43 pm EST Friday
This is the section of track where you go 110 MPH. On the east coast you can get up to 130, but here in Michigan it’s 110 on straight sections of track. I’m currently stopped at the station in Dowagiac, but once we get rolling again, here’s where you can scoot along at 110 mph:
I KID YOU NOT, just after we completed that one curve past Dowagiac and the train sped up to 110 again, the woman and her friend are now standing and talking in the wheelchair spot to stretch their legs. If they turn away from me I’m gonna take a photo (I’m not gonna show you their faces). THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS CONVERSATION THEY'RE HAVING AND MY PHONE CALL. Both situations involve a human being standing in the wheelchair spot pushing air across their vocal cords loud enough that everyone else in Business Class can hear. I get that my deep voice can resonate, but still…
I did get a photo. It does include one face but let me blur that out. Hat Woman is the one who told me I’m loud. Blurred Face is standing kinda near where I was crouched in the corner in the wheelchair spot talking on the phone:
And I don’t think they’re just standing to stretch their legs. They’re standing to get off the train in Kalamazoo before everyone else (if there’s even anyone else getting off at Kalamazoo). They’ve been up for at least five minutes now so I’m gonna start a timer to see how many minutes they stand. We are nowhere near Kalamazoo yet.
SIXTEEN MINUTES! They stood for 16 minutes so they could be #1 and #2 of the five people getting off the Business Class car at Kalamazoo. That 20+ minute stand, more than half with bags over shoulders, gave them a four second head start when exiting the train. I can guaran-damn-tee that these two women stand right by the ticket scanner at the airport with a Group 8 ticket when Group 2 is called.
Or maybe I’m just bitter that she (rightly) called me out for talking on the phone in Michigan Business Class.
7:38 pm EST Friday
This will be very short. I just thought I’d show some people what it’s like on the train in the winter when you go down to the snack bar. You… have to walk outside.
Well, not outside. And it’s not jumping from car to car like The Polar Express. It’s covered on all sides with fabric, and there’s a metal floor, but… you’re outside.
So I filmed myself walking back from the snack bar. I had the food in my left hand and was filming with my right so I had to hit the button with my phone hand. Thankfully, the door on the other side of the gap between cars was already open and so I only had to hit one button, not two. But that snow you see is snow. You’re outside between the cars standing on a snowy plank as the train goes between 80 and 110 miles per hour. And you can’t fall off in any direction because it’s enclosed with rigid fabric. It’s fun!
That’s it. Just wanted to show you that. Just over an hour to East Lansing now.
10:57 pm EST Friday
I’m in my hotel room now. Have been since 9:30. Just wanted to tell one more story from tonight.
The East Lansing trip is one of my favorites because I don’t need a car. Train to Chicago, train to East Lansing, walk to the hotel, walk to the game, walk back to the hotel, walk to the train station, train to Chicago, train to Champaign. So the train got to East Lansing at 9:00 pm EST and then I had to walk to my hotel (0.4 miles). Between the train station and the hotel, a Taco Bell. I’ve been known to run for the border from time to time.
I go to Taco Bell. I order at the little kiosk (Cantina Chicken Burrito + Cheesy Gordita Crunch). It’s very busy with DoorDash drivers and teenagers. Who didn’t love Taco Bell at 9:15 on a Friday night when you were a teen?
By the way, the teens were ordering at the kiosk next to me and I can’t even understand their conversations. This is the EXACT conversation I overheard:
{17 year-old kid ending a FaceTime with a friend while ordering at the kiosk}
“Alright, bet.”
“Bet.”
{He hangs up the phone and turns to the girl he’s with}
“I deadass just got us a free trip to Turks and Caicos for spring break.”
“Wait, deadass?”
“Deadass.”
Turks and Caicos? What in the… what? Why would high school kids be talking about going to… you know what? Nevermind. Back to my story.
I put my bags down and take off my flannel coat because I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a long wait with 15 people standing there likely having already ordered. I’m flipping through my phone and I notice that a different table of four teenagers are… talking about me? I’m trying to hear what they’re saying but they keep sneaking glances my way and whispering. Is it my Illinois shirt? Is this some kind of Michigan State thing? No, they’re definitely talking about me and not my shirt.
And then I realize that they think I’m homeless. And they’re whispering to each other about why I’m in Taco Bell on a Friday night (with no food in front of me) sitting with my duffel bag and a computer bag from 2013 that no longer looks like a laptop case.
It makes sense I guess. I’m in sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt. My hat is off and my hair looks a bit disheveled. I have a beard. I have no food in front of me and I’ve been sitting there for five minutes. I had even put down my phone (I was tired of looking at it) and was just staring at the shelves for the DoorDash drivers trying to figure out how the system works. Just… a guy with several bags sitting alone in Taco Bell with no food and staring off into space.
I resolved when I left that I could turn around their scorn. Next time I’m in a Taco Bell and I see a guy who is down on his luck and just trying to stay warm, I’m giving him $50. Forget those high school kids and their whispering.
I just hope I don’t give the money to some blogger who is simply there waiting on his Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
9:31 am EST Saturday
I feel like this stuff only happens to me. Have you ever… fallen asleep on top of your phone because you had it in your hand when you dozed off and when you wake up it’s suctioned to your stomach and then you pull up a video on YouTube and it’s overdubbed in German because somehow when your phone was stuck to your stomach one of your body hairs changed a setting somewhere?
I’ll just screen record a random YouTube Short so you can see. The captions are still in English but everything is overdubbed in German:
Does… anyone know how to change it back? Or is this some kind of algorithm thing where whatever buttons my shirtless body pressed during the night (sorry for the mental image) told the YouTube algorithm to start sending me videos overdubbed in German?
I’ll be honest, though. I watched several of them. Here’s one of a comedian on a podcast. It might be funnier in German.
I realized that my phone was stuck to me when I WOKE UP AT EXACTLY 6:00 AM EST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAD LEFT THE HOTEL ROOM ALARM CLOCK SET TO GO OFF AT SIX. I always think that some chaotic person did it on purpose. Just as they’re leaving their hotel room, they set the alarm to go off at 6:00 and then giggle the next morning wondering who they caught in their trap.
Actually, if they did that, they would set it for 3:15 am or something. 6:00 might just be the time that person would be getting up. So it’s likely someone in this room who woke up yesterday at 6:00 and then didn’t reset the alarm to turn it off. Petition to remove all alarm clocks from hotel rooms. We all just use our phones in hotel rooms, right? And we all move the alarm clock to the floor so there’s more room on the nightstand.
Either way, it was quite frustrating. My body is on central time, so I didn’t fall asleep until 2:00 EST. To have an alarm go off at 6:00 EST? HATE IT. The game is at 8:00 tonight and I’m gonna need a long nap if I’m gonna be able to power through with an article. I’ll get back to the hotel at 11:00 pm at the earliest so this article won’t be done until 2 am.
And yes, I turned off the alarm. And unplugged the alarm clock. And checked to make sure it didn’t have a battery backup. And tossed it out the third story window.
(I didn’t toss it. But I wanted to.)
6:37 pm EST Saturday
This will be short because I have to get to the game and it starts at 8:00 pm.
Guess who didn’t apply for a media credential to this game? Guess who is gonna have to purchase a ticket to get in?
Tyler and I make our schedule throughout the year and then, when we decide who is covering each game, apply for the media credentials to the away games we’re covering. So maybe 3-4 times per year I sit down and apply for credentials for, say, the next month of games once we have our rotation finalized.
I couldn’t remember last week if I had applied for Michigan State or not (back when I applied for Purdue and other games). So I pulled up gmail — I have gmail fetch my Illiniboard dot com emails — and searched for the approval email. I do the search and there it is from January 16th: credentials approved. Makes sense because the email from the SID listing which upcoming road game credentials can now be applied for was on January 15th so it makes sense that I would have applied on the 16th:
Except the second email is January 15th of this year and the "Credentials approved" email is January 16th of last year. That’s the approval from when I covered the game in East Lansing in 2025. Which means I don’t have a press pass for tonight (and it’s way too late to apply).
Let’s go see what StubHub looks like…
9:20 am EST Sunday
The game was… whatever. That’s not what this post is about. But I can tell a few stories. Let me first put the paywall up real quick. Sorry to do that for non-subscribers but I want to keep one of these stories restricted to only subscribers. So... paywall is go for launch.