Fan To Fan

I just got a text from my mom that a guy I used to work with passed away. I process things by writing about them, so this is that. Let this be your warning before the jump that there's nothing past this point besides a tribute to a friend.

It was my friend Joe who passed away. I worked with him at my former job back when I was a Landscape Architect. I didn't talk to him as much now as I did when we lived in St. Louis, but I had just heard from him two months ago when he asked if he put me down as a reference for a job he had applied for. I told him that my reference probably carried more weight when I was a Landscape Architect and not a sports blogger, but that I'd be happy to be a reference.

Joe had heart issues since birth. He got a pacemaker when he was an infant and had that pacemaker his entire life. He always talked about his heart and how it wouldn't have the "mileage" of everyone else's heart – uncomfortable then, oddly comforting(?) now – so he was a living reminder that life is short. He looked healthy in the last photo I saw of him (at his son's Senior Night for football last October) but he always knew that the last beat could be tomorrow.

Joe and I bonded over sports. Mostly college sports, but other sports stuff as well. A story:

Our desks were next to each other in the office. In 2010, during the World Cup, we were both locked in on USA vs. Algeria. It was happening in the middle of the afternoon during a work day, so both Joe and I were watching online and then pulling up AutoCad when our boss would walk by. As soon as we were in the clear, back to USA-Algeria.

As you might remember, the US needed a goal late or their World Cup was over. And then this happened:

My feed was about 15 seconds ahead of Joe's feed. When Donovan scored, I got out of my seat but didn't make a sound. For two reasons: One, I didn't want my boss to see me dancing around and celebrating. And two, I didn't want to spoil it for Joe because knew he was 15 seconds behind me.

So I got this rare chance to watch a fan internally lose his mind. I know what happens, it's about to happen on Joe's screen, and I know that he won't be able to make a sound. He almost made a sound, and he also got out of his seat, and we exchanged a silent, bulged-eyes "YESSSSS".... and then we had to get back to work since we'd missed two hours of work to stream the match. After the final whistle we both went over to the office kitchen, exchanged a few "CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED??" whispers, and then got back to work.

The main thing Joe and I bonded over – it's hard to write that in past tense – was our college teams. For me, Illinois (duh). For him, Arkansas. He had moved on to a different job by the time the blog grew into my full time career, but we continued to text each other about our teams.

And I just want to note how great it is to bond with someone over that. Let me make some screenshots of some texts that we shared. There's nothing like acknowledgement, and Joe was an acknowledger.

Like this. We beat Penn State in nine overtimes in 2021. I have texts from all kinds of Illini fans all saying some form of "can you believe it?". And I had this text from an Arkansas fan:

That was the crux of our no-longer-coworkers friendship. I'd acknowledge big Arkansas moments and he'd acknowledge big Illini moments.

Isn't that the best? His texts just felt so... pure. It's how I feel truly seen. "Illinois won, and I bet that means a lot to him, so I'm gonna send him a 'congrats' text." For whatever reason the texts from non-Illini fans often mean more in those situations than the texts from fellow fans. Seen.

Another one from the day after the Michigan game in 2024:

That last text there was me sending him a text after 10-seed Arkansas upset 2-seed St. John's last March to move on to the Sweet 16. His response had some personal details, so I didn't include that part, but... that was our friendship. Fan to fan.

Yes, he texted me after Arkansas beat Illinois in the 2023 NCAA Tournament. Yes, I texted him after we beat Arkansas on Thanksgiving Day last season. We acknowledged the head-to-head matchups as well and chirped a little bit. But as I scroll through our text history here (is there anything more empty than scrolling through text history with someone you'll never hear from again?), the majority were "congrats" texts.

And think about that. Think of the acknowledgement there. Yes, it's probably stupid to say "congrats." The old "you're not on the team; you didn't do anything" argument. I fully know that fans attach themselves to their teams beyond the level that they should.

But that "congrats" still feels incredible to receive. They see you, they know you must be exhausted from pacing around watching nine overtimes and dying inside, and they want to acknowledge it. SEEN.

So thanks, Joe. Thanks for seeing me. Thanks for knowing how much this all means to me and acknowledging it. I'll miss our texts.

And for you, I'll pull for two teams in the NCAA Tournament this year.

Go Illini. Go Hogs.