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Sure Signs a Man's Mind is Somewhere Else
by behinda8
- You put hair gel on your toothbrush.(Tastes bad but you notice that your teeth now have more body)
- After leaving the rest area, you see Pierre, your miniature poodle, dangling from his leash and bouncing against the side of your Expedition. Even though "Objects are closer than they appear" is written on the mirror, you try to convince the kids that you thought it was someone else's dog when you pulled away.(When he finally gets home from the vet you mentally start calling him "Winky the pug")
- After seeing a carwash attendant wave, you get into the car and start to drive away. Only after someone starts trying to drag you out of the car by your hair do you realize that you haven't had a car like that since your last trade-in two years ago.(The only thing that keeps you from going to jail for attempted grand theft auto is the fact that your current vehicle has more value than the one you were attempting to drive away with)
- After going to the restroom at the cinemaplex,you figure your wife had to go also since she is not sitting in her seat when you return. After 15 minutes of wondering where she is and why Tom Cruise has such a large part in "Men In Black II," it hits you. (Although the "Mom called on the cell phone and I had a hard time getting away" excuse works here, don't abuse it. It's only good for 3 or 4 times a year)
- Just before your colonoscopy is set to begin, you mention to your proctologist, Mustafa al-Rehktal, that it's about time we give those rag heads what they deserve and nuke the lot of them off of the planet. (This slip-up later verifies that Ben-Gay is not a good substitute for KY jelly and that Preparation H has its limitations as a local pain reliever and shrinking agent)
- After a meeting on an out of town business trip with your red neck boss, you suggest cocktails at a bar that you are passing as the two of you make your way back to the hotel. When it becomes obvious to the two of you that it is a gay bar, you say to your boss "Let's blow this place". (Later on you wonder why the admin people are taking so long to get a LAN connection wired to your new cubicle in the boiler room)
- As you bend over to pick up your Saturday newspaper at the curb, the wife of the Korean couple that just moved in down the street starts running into her house screaming. It then dawns on you that you neglected to put on your robe and sleeping in the nude has its drawbacks.(Here is one of the many good reasons that you have become friendly with another neighbor that happens to be the county sheriff)
- After plopping on the couch to watch the game, you suddenly remember that you last saw your wife while she was looking at the azaleas in Lowe's garden shop.(When you notice that she is staring at you as you pull back into the parking lot, you realize that the great "I got caught up looking for new kitchen cabinets" excuse just went out the window)
- While making love with your wife you scream, "Who's your daddy Halle? Who's your daddy.(Fervently denying that you personally know anyone named Halle and saying you were just analyzing the plot to "Monster's Ball" does no good whatsoever here)
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